Log in

No account? Create an account
Fans of Life On Mars
Fic, Still Want You, Green Cortina, by DorsetGirl 
25th-Aug-2008 03:22 pm

Title: Still Want You

Author: DorsetGirl

Fandom: Life on Mars

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or their universe. BBC/Kudos do. I’m not making any money out of this.

Rating:  Green Cortina for light sexing.

Pairing: Sam/Gene

Word Count:  1391

Summary:  Gene is still going home to check on Sam every lunch-time.

A/N: Part of the Survival series. Not beta'd, so do shout if you see any errors.




Previously posted: Not The Dark (by dakfinv) / Body & Soul / Watching / Hope / In The Eye Of The Beholder  / Breaking Through / Still With Us / Not Just a Cry For Help / Keep Taking the Tablets / Useless /  Out to Lunch / Still Want You / Fighting to Survive / Into the Dark / Talk to Me




Still Want You



It starts with a kiss, a gentle reassurance that he’s still your man.


“Lie still, sweetheart,” you murmur, grazing one hand lightly down a weakened thigh. Except you don’t actually say ‘sweetheart’, of course, not that brave yet. Although you’d like to be.


He makes that noise deep in his throat, the one that normally has you rutting fit to burst, unable to hold back. But it’s all different now, got to take it slowly, carefully. Don’t even know if you’ll get there today. Well, you will, that’s what hands are for, a man is never alone, but him? That’s a different story and they haven’t told you the ending yet.


You stop that train of thought. No fears, Gene, whatever you do, don’t show him your fears. Keep the knowledge locked away with the soppy endearments; they can keep each other company deep inside your heart.


You stroke a hand across the knee that doesn’t bend, trying not to be distracted by the way he flinches nervously. Come on, Gene, less thinking if you’re going to do this before your sunshine and rain starts snoring again. You reach down; who’d have thought you’d end up with a man who has what Auntie Mabel used to call ‘a delicately-turned ankle’.


“Gene? What’s so funny?”


“Nothing. Go back to your knitting.”


But he’s broken the spell now, you can’t spend all afternoon in reverent contemplation of his beauty. Specially when he thinks it’s all lost; battered and broken in body and mind and soul.


You shuffle awkwardly down the bed, absently shoving aside your own pants. He doesn’t think this will work, doesn’t see how you can get it up for what he calls a snivelling twisted wreck, but God, if he knew, if he only knew about the times you hurried painfully out of his room, half crying, half aching, to lean against the cubicle wall and watch the tears drip on your own erection. Stroking it, slowly, tears falling faster until your hopeless sobs turn to gasps and his name on your lips is yearning and hope and triumph, a cry of belief and pain.


Now you dart your tongue at his toes, his sexy, bony toes, and you still want, strangely, to nibble them, God knows why. But the only time you plucked up the courage to try it he laughed so much you retreated in humiliation to the bathroom to toss yourself off in lonely peace.


“Sorry,” he’d said later. “Just reminded me of something in the paper, that’s all. Nothing personal.”


So, no toes. But you kiss the divots on his shins where the steel toe-caps spoke, and the strange marks on his thigh where the madman’s knife danced a twisted jig. With a hand on his perfect arse – thank Christ at least there’s not that to worry about – you run your mouth gently down his cock and he clenches his fists in fear as it twitches momentarily. Moving on, he sobs quietly, once, twice, as your finger traces his hole and pushes gently, then you stroke his muscled stomach in soothing tribute to his courage in letting you do this.


But he’s so convinced it won’t work that it can’t work. His eyes are screwed shut and his perfect mouth tight with apprehension, so you lean forward and run your tongue round the moist pucker, thoughts of his other tight round hole springing your hard-on into full being. Straddling his hips - so carefully - you lick your lips and stare into his face as you hold yourself tight and start moving your hand, slowly.


He takes a shaky breath and opens his eyes, fear flickering and dying as you smile.


“No pressure, Sam. Don’t want to give you any of that ‘performance anxiety’, do we.”


His mouth turns up at the corners, so briefly anyone else would miss it, but you know it’s an acknowledgement, an effort to connect, and your hand keeps moving on your cock, fingers spreading and closing as you measure your words by your rhythm.


“You don’t have to ... do anything, Sam. Just ... I just want you to know, that’s all...”


He looks a question, this man who can do more with his face than most people with a thousand words, though he’s good at those too. But you don’t want a speech right now, it’s the last thing you need when you’re so close already, so you refuse to fall into those tired eyes and you keep talking yourself.


“You’ve got to understand,” you say in your Guv voice – he needs telling; secure handling, not soft soap – “that this is you I’m hard for here. You, with your broken bones and your shrieks of terror in the night and your stupid self-pity shit. You, with your brown eyes, and your silly hair, and your pretty little arse. Just, you, all right? Not some bloody ideal of how you used to be, not some sodding ‘transference’ mumbo-jumbo, but you. Here, now, lying under me.”


“And to prove it, I am going to come all over you. I am going to mark you, and claim you, and show you just how much I still want you.”


Your breath is coming quicker now, and his hips move, so slightly, but you feel it against your thighs and you sit back so if you shift your arse a little you can feel him soft against you. You stroke yourself harder now, and you stare fiercely into his eyes as you fight to stay in control for a few minutes more.


“You’ll get there, Sam. We’ll get there, OK, we bloody well will.”


It’s getting difficult to speak now, and stare, and stroke, and smile, and the thought makes you falter, just for a moment, as it occurs to you that he’s not the only one coming through this a changed man.


“But it’s not ... Gene, I can’t ... “


You lean forward to shut his mouth with a kiss, tongue thrusting hard in time with your cock rutting against him.


“Not today, Sam, OK. Don’t worry about it today. Just ...  want to show you ...”


You sit up, rotate your arse briefly against his groin in another move he taught you and now your hips are moving convulsively. The words are harder to find, your right hand moving as your thoughts shatter, and you reach out blindly with your left to tangle his fingers with yours.


And you’re speeding up now, and you’re gripping his hand so hard it hurts, so you look into his eyes and he’s biting his lip again but he has to understand why you’re thrusting so desperately above him when he’s still so ill.


“Want to show you ...  oh, God, Sam ... “


And you lose control and your hips jerk and your hands move and it’s a race but it’s got to be the words first and you choke them out, you’re so close now that you can’t stop but the words are there for him, spilling over him as you come.


“... still love you, still want you, still ... oh love, Sam, fuck Sam, Sam!


And you do, you come all over him, over the burns and the bruises and the knife marks, and across his chest and his nipple and you thrust forward as it all goes black. And when you fall sideways to avoid his shoulder you see the drops on the perfect neck and he smiles as you collapse, panting, your mouth at his ear.


Then you twist a finger lightly in the come at his collar bone and you hold it to his mouth. He licks it, accepts it, taking your finger in gently as he strokes your face. As your breathing slows, he lifts your hand, moving it, holding your gaze.


“Thank you,” he says softly. “Thank you.”


You grunt in amusement and relief and exhaustion. “Finally got it, have you?”


He places your hand on his sleepy cock and smiles again.


“I’ve got it, Gene. Go to sleep now.”


You should be heading back to the station, but he doesn’t know that, doesn’t know one day from another yet, so you pull the covers over him and close your eyes as he whispers again.


“Gene. Thank you.”

UnhappyMan2 by Ruuger
25th-Aug-2008 02:37 pm (UTC)
*squees over the update!*

Wow. While I'm tempted to say this is hot I actually find it more incredibly sweet than anything else, Gene reassuring Sam he still finds him attractive the most convincing way he knows how.

Beautiful, thank you!
25th-Aug-2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've actually got about four pieces for this series waiting to be untangled, but I just can't concentrate in the school holidays. This is a much more linear structure than some of the others and I wrote it and posted within about two hours, so I hope it's not too unpolished.

After the business of the tablets, Gene has realised that Sam needs a lot of reassuring about Gene's feelings. It was going to be more of a mutual session, but Sam just couldn't get it up! I'm glad you found it sweet, because although it's sex that wasn't really the point.
25th-Aug-2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
It really is both hot and sweet at the same time, in other circumstances it could have been creepy but here we understand that Gene really just needs Sam to know what he still does to Gene.

Can I say that I hope we get to see them get to that end, where Sam might be able to show Gene he still can?

Another great job!
25th-Aug-2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
Hmm, creepy? That's interesting, I hadn't seen it like that at all. Could you explain?

I must apologise for the second person narration; it's not a particularly comfortable form, but that's how it came out. I didn't have time before the kids came back to try it out third or first, and I admit I was a bit desperate to get something finished!

Can I say that I hope we get to see them get to that end, where Sam might be able to show Gene he still can?

Well, in the chapter after this, Fighting to Survive, we see that Sam definitely still has the basic capability, so have no fear on that score! I don't know how many more pieces there will be, but I think chronologically Talk to Me is probably not far off the end in relationship terms (although I do have a few ideas for the trial). There will also be - at least as I see things at present - a stand-alone story after Survival which completes the arc and leaves them both in a hot and happy place.

Thank you so much for commenting and taking an interest, I really appreciate it.
25th-Aug-2008 10:48 pm (UTC)
You know, when I wrote creepy originally I thought, shit I don't want her to get offended, and I totally hope you weren't!! What I mean is that perhaps if we had not had all that fabulous backstory and the layers and all that, that maybe Gene needing to show Sam so desperately could have been seen as slightly creepy, again, still not the totally right word, sorry for that. Take note however, that yours is NOT CREEPY at all!! I totally should have worded it better love, sorry : )

I thought you did the second person narration quite well, and it fits this chapter, it was a nice touch.

And yay for more!! I really appreciate you writing it : )

Edited at 2008-08-25 10:51 pm (UTC)
26th-Aug-2008 01:50 am (UTC)
No, I wasn't offended! I love it when people see something in my fics that I wasn't conscious of having written, so I was just intrigued. Did you mean like in other circs it could have been sort of non-con, or exhibitionism or something?
25th-Aug-2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
Wow. That's all, really.

Not just the hotness of it, but the reason behind it, the *caring* in Gene's reasons for doing it, his concern for Sam that he wants to show him in a concrete way how he still cares for Sam, to *make* him believe it, was just incredibly moving.
25th-Aug-2008 10:43 pm (UTC)
Gene is very caring, no doubt about that. The Gene I'm writing in this series is a direct consequence of the rather fluffy Gene in Wine & Candles, and his defining characteristics are loyalty and commitment, both of which I believe are solidly rooted in canon.

Sam obviously has a lot of issues going on, and to recover he really needs to know he can lean on Gene. I wrote and posted this in something of a hurry today, so I'm very pleased you found it moving. Thanks for commenting!
25th-Aug-2008 11:48 pm (UTC)
loyalty and commitment, both of which I believe are solidly rooted in canon.

I agree, 100%. I feel like Gene displays these qualities several times in every episode. :)
26th-Aug-2008 01:46 am (UTC)

And just a fun little note: the song I was listening to hit its crescendo just as Gene came. XD
26th-Aug-2008 01:53 am (UTC)
Um, gurgle is good, right? If so, thank you!

Glad the song worked too!
27th-Aug-2008 01:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, the gurgle is a good thing. It's like "guh" = "I want to say something, but I can't think of anything, so here's a noise"
26th-Aug-2008 02:00 am (UTC)
Wibbling wreck over here at that. Painfully honest and sweet, you revealed so much about Gene and how his mind works, just beautiful.

26th-Aug-2008 02:09 am (UTC)
Ah, sweet - sweet!Gene is a total bugger to keep in character, so I hope he was OK for you. Part of his problem is that Sam is barely functioning, mentally, at the moment and Gene is very dislocated by that.

Thank you for a lovely comment!
26th-Aug-2008 03:22 am (UTC)
As far as updates to this series go, this one is a real treat, because it really is about that essential core of the story and the rediscovery of their relationship in the aftermath of such a major trauma as this. I love how you show Gene realizing that his priorities and his sexuality have taken a turn just as much as they have for Sam, and my god, this line:

you stroke his muscled stomach in soothing tribute to his courage in letting you do this.

Gah. This is one of those small, wonderful bits of prose that just blows me away.

Thank you :)
26th-Aug-2008 09:02 am (UTC)
Thank you; I'm pleased that you liked it. This was written and posted in quite a hurry yesterday so I'm glad you think it worked. For some reason I feel better now I've posted something; it was hurting some bit of my brain I don't quite understand, to have not finished anything for weeks.

I did spend a while wondering if he really would still have a muscled stomach after all this time, but decided that it was prettier that way. He's hardly likely to have put on weight, anyway!

Thanks for commenting.
26th-Aug-2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was beautiful. Poor Sam. I can so easily picture his self-esteem being so low that he can't possibly believe anyone would want him so broken and abused as he is. I'm very glad Gene did this for him, and made it very clear that he wants the Sam that is there right now, not an ideal of Sam.

And I also love how you wrote this in second person. It was something I wasn't expecting but I think it works really well for this fic.

Thank you for writing more of this wonderful series!
26th-Aug-2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
Both characters in this are a bit of a tricky balance – Sam is totally a fighter, but he hasn’t got much left here of his most defining quality, and Gene is a rough he-man bastard but with 100% commitment and quite a lot of fluff, so I can only hope that they stay reasonably relatable to canon.

Yeah, second person isn’t really something I would choose. I was supposed to be getting lunch yesterday when for some reason I thought “Bugger this, I’m going to write something.” To be honest, I don’t remember actually getting the words – and I had no idea what Gene was planning to do - but I do remember one line flying through my head as I was debating whether to start scribbling, and then I remember very clearly just thinking “Oh shit, it’s second person.”

Being school holidays, I had to grab a chance to type it up while the kids were out on their bikes for half an hour. I would normally have tried it out first person and third to see if either was better, but I really wanted to get something finished and posted, so I just crossed my fingers and went with it, so I’m very happy that you think it worked. (I’d love to know why some things want to be second person, and I’d also love to know how/why second person works, because on the face of it, it’s simply lunatic!)

Thanks so much for commenting. Btw did you see, I recced this series in the H/C category – you delivered the hurt terrifyingly well, but I’m not sure how much comfort there’s been so far!
31st-Aug-2008 01:22 am (UTC)
I love this installment and am sorry I am once more so behind on my reading and commenting. While this is an affirmation of what they feel for one another the need for it is still quite painful and there is a sense of that pain lurking behind this. It does feel very real for them to need this physical connection to help them move forward though.
11th-Sep-2008 11:09 pm (UTC)
No need to apologise - I'm very happy to receive comments whenever they arrive, and yours are always so thoughtful.

Although Gene can be a very deep thinker on occasion, he doesn't live in his head to anything like the extent that Sam does. Gene is very physical, which is why I feel he would choose this method of convincing Sam he still loves him. I think Sam understands him well enough to take this in the way it's meant - as Gene's equivalent of, I don't know, buying a ring or something.
8th-Feb-2011 07:14 pm (UTC)
Cannot believe I didn't comment on this before. Because I have read it. More than once. And yes, the sex is beautiful, but it is so very very much more than that, and you write the vulnerability in Gene so desperately wonderful. The fact that he's struggling to get the right words out, all the way through... and on my previous readings I had not noticed this:

"You should be heading back to the station, but he doesn’t know that, doesn’t know one day from another yet, so you pull the covers over him and close your eyes as he whispers again."

I really love this series.
9th-Feb-2011 01:20 am (UTC)
I really love this series.

Not half as much as I'm loving having a new reader, I can assure you! Thank you so much for a lovely comment
This page was loaded Aug 18th 2018, 8:12 am GMT.